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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Ta-Dah.... I'm back...

Greetings to everyone who farted and burped in here while I have been away... The management of The Transit Lounge is doing its best to purify the air around here heheh...

So what have I been up to? Quite a fair bit, hence the absence of posts. Finished 3 assignment pieces last week. Amazed myself by staying up till 3 am in the morning and getting up again at 7 am to finish them up, still with energy to spare for the day. Even after the assignments, I still slept late doing things that I don't even remember about.

Paid for that by being ill for the past couple of days. Still feeling sick. Slept through the entire day yesterday, waking up only for meals... A bit more refreshed today, but still drowsy and weak.

More deep stuff when I'm feeling better.

9:54 PM;

Sunday, May 15, 2005

I'm feeling alot better. A HUGE thank you to all those who took time to comfort me. Greatly appreciate that. Determined also not to be too rash in blogging. Will try to keep these angsty, depressing posts limited to my journal.

The recurring lesson I've been learning this week is regarding self-knowledge. John Calvin mentioned that "There is no deep knowing of God without the deep knowing of self, and no deep knowing of self without the deep knowing of God."

God, being my Creator, knows me more than I know myself. It naturally follows that if I were to really want to understand myself, I need to look to Him, and to listen for Him. I need to seek Him. I guess it is in this seeking that He reveals Himself and this is where you get to build your relationship with Him and get to know Him and yourself deeply.

As I got to know and understand myself this week, I learnt how to love and accept myself, and to have confidence in myself as well. But more importantly, I learnt of the gracious nature of God, of how patient He is, and how He deliberately chooses the weak and unwise and mould them to their fullest potential.

I am reminded of an incident a couple of years ago which happened during the Serve Programme. I had failed to do something, and I asked God if He were disappointed with me, and
suggested that it might be better if He smite me dead. His answer caught me by surprise as His answer was one of love and mercy. I couldn't really accept that. Still thought that I were better off dead.. can't remember what really happened, left that particular journal back in S'pore, but somehow, He told me that the potter never gives up moulding the clay as the potter has in his mind what the clay would look like, and wouldn't stop until he is satisfied with his work.

So it is likewise with God. Get to know yourself and love yourself, because He loves you, irregardless of your tilted halo...

11:21 PM;

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I know a number of people who got in trouble because they couldn't keep their mouth shut, but I never thought that being quiet would actually make me feel so depressed. I feel now that I am quiet to a fault. Come to think of it, I've been rather pensive and depressed these few days, and its not just the 3 assignment pieces that are due next week that is causing it.

In a couple of days time, a group of people will be making a decision that will have a big impact on me. The decisions and actions I take from then on will affect an entire group of people. I cannot deny the fear and hesitancy in me. My weaknesses are somehow magnified a million times this week, and its really not helping my confidence right now. I rather take the easier job, the supporting role where I am comfortable and confident in, but how can I deny the calling, should it come to me? Maybe, just maybe, I've already known the answer, and I'm just denying it. I want to be able to say yes when that time comes.

Make your choice wisely and prayerfully my friends. You know my strengths and weaknesses. You know my work habits. You see my passions, you've seen me grow, you know of my laziness. You've heard of my silence, you've seen my enthusiasm. You've seen my fears, you've seen my abilities. Choose wisely my friends. I trust your judgement and God's...

12:36 AM;

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

(Haha, nah, just kidding.. Sorry everyone, private joke...)

Begining to see how difficult life really is. I always knew it won't be easy, but I never wanted it to be too tough. Given the chance to slack through life, I'll take it!! Life is short, enjoy it right? I guess this attitude has been deterring me from achieving.

On one hand, I don't want to be a workaholic, I still want to enjoy the moment, yet on the other hand, I feel the time has come for me to buck up. I doubt my own competencies sometimes, yet as Shel pointed out, "Its not that you can't, you just don't want to.." How right you are Shel...

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have peseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained - Madame Marie Curie

4:55 PM;

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Grace, something we Christians hear of so many times, but find it so hard to embrace, be it from God, or from our fellow men.

My tutor gave me an unconditional extension for my referencing assignment, something which I totally never expected. I only wanted to tell her that she would not have to bother looking for it since I could not complete it on time. She simply told me to hand it up latest by Monday. Within me, I was shocked! I expressed my disbelief by asking her if that was really alright, and if she was sure about it. "Sure," she said, "just hand it in by Monday. Any later than that and I would have to fail you." I walked away feeling surprised and amazed all at once.

Strange isn't it, that its so hard for us to just take in people's kindness? I guess to realise that we need help from others is a humiliating, and sometimes depreciating experience. But what a liberating experience it is!

Consider how God in His grace, loved us and sent Jesus to die for us. Consider the fact that we did not deserve any of that, but in His love, freely gave up His life. Consider also that there is nothing we can do to earn that love, and that before we could have asked for it, He gave it all.

Aren't we all in need of grace? And don't we all find it hard to accept it?

My tutor didn't ask for any extra requirments for the assignment, nor did she demand that I carried her stuff back to her office everyday for the rest of the year. She saw I needed help, and gave it without questioning.

In the same way, God sees our needs. He sees that we aren't perfect angels with our halos right in place. He sees our tilted halos. And He gives us the grace to live with it unconditionally.

All we need to do is ask...

11:37 PM;

Monday, May 02, 2005

Been a week since I last posted anything. Can't really remember much of last week, except of the test and assignment. Remembered going over to Kongy's place to share resources. Hubert brought along a suitcase full of management books (yes, a real suitcase that you would use to travel overseas...). I think half of my bibliography list came from them, so thanks alot guys, lets pakat again some other time...heheh... I remember running along North Terrace to hand up the essay since it was due in 15 in time. I think that was the first time I ever ran to uni. Hope it'll be the last as well, heheh...

Anyway, its a new week with new challenges. Hope to be able to put into practice the time management skills picked up on Saturday...

2:23 PM;

About Me

::Handy Goh No::
::4th November 1984::
::Commerce::
::Loves- God. Shel, Guitars, Anime, Games::

Friends

Shel's Shell
Younger Sis, Shintya!
William's Chronicles
Hsinnie, the Emo Woman
Giggly Evelyn
G's Quiet Thoughts
Winboy Delwin
Mel, the God Chaser
Ps. Fu Man, the Heartguider
Godpa Ian's Counsel
Mahaputra!
Congee Keith
Serendipity Sharon

Chat Zone

Journey so far..

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